


Space Weed?

by ThreeHats



Category: Archer (Cartoon), Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 02:09:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6834787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThreeHats/pseuds/ThreeHats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lana was conscious, but she wasn't awake; her body was alive, each sensation a rippling impression of color across her muscles.  She blinked, a soft red flickering across her vision as she both saw and felt the motion of her eyelids closing.  Her hand lifted to her lips, arm blazing a brilliant yellow with the movement, and she took a luxurious drag from a dying cigarette.</p><p>All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Space Weed?

**Characters:** Slave Leia and Lana Kain  
 **Location:** At the end of the rainbow  
 **Scenario:** Trying marijuana

All characters, locations and scenarios were pulled out of a hat to create this story, which was written in 30 minutes or less.

 

Lana was conscious, but she wasn't awake; her body was alive, each sensation a rippling impression of color across her muscles. She blinked, a soft red flickering across her vision as she both saw and felt the motion of her eyelids closing. Her hand lifted to her lips, arm blazing a brilliant yellow with the movement, and she took a luxurious drag from a dying cigarette.

Lana knew she was at home. She was sitting on her plush couch in her living room, enjoying a quiet evening alone. But her altered state of mind allowed her to be anywhere she wanted to be with just a thought. Music vaguely tickled the backs of her ears, plunking out from her cell phone resting on her coffee table, and each shift in the song shifted the colors in the room, enabling her imagination to fill in the blanks. Madonna's voice lilted from the speakers, the song iliciting an icy blue. Suddently, Lana was somewhere unfamiliar--a chilly-looking room littered with computers. She felt as though she knew it from somewhere, but was unable to place it.

"Mind if I share?" a woman's voice came from her left, and Lana leapt to her right in alarm as she let out a rather undignified noise. Flipping around to face the stranger, Lana found that it wasn't a stranger at all. The woman, annoyed at the lack of an answer, helped herself to Lana's cigarette. "You didn't say no, so don't mind if I do."

Princess Leia Organa sat beside her, clad in the famous golden bikini present in many a fanboy (or girl)'s wet dreams. Lana hated it, though in her altered state she couldn't deny that she gathered a healthy eyeful of skin before responding.

"Oh, do you not like it?" Leia looked down at her outfit; Lana wondered idly if her face had that strong an expression of distaste. "I kinda think it's stupid, too. But it's nice when it's hot out."

"Why are you...?"

"Fuck if I know, sweetheart. You've got some pretty good weed, though," the princess said casually, the joint dangling roughly from her lips as she spread her knees apart to rest her elbow upon one of them. Lana pulled herself up into a sitting position, core glowing orange as the song changed to something more indigo, shifting the look of the room with them. They were in Cloud City now, a large observational window sitting where her TV used to be, and the colors in the song painted the sky with shifting textures.

"Do they have weed in space?" Lana asked absentmindedly, and Leia nodded fervently, brows clashing to let her know the seriousness of her ignorance.

"They've got just about anything you can imagine, sister."

"Shit. Maybe I should get space weed. Inside of space. Can you be inside of space? I wanna be inside of space."

"Well, Archer goes AWOL all the time, doesn't he?" Leia said casually, smoke pluming from her nose like a dragon. "Maybe it's your turn." Lana raised a dark eyebrow at the suggestion.

"How do you know about Archer?"

"I'm in your head. I know everything you know. Maybe I'm representing your frustration with being a woman. Maybe I represent the woman you want to be. Maybe I'm the idealized parts of you that you've superimposed onto a familiar feminist figure." The Princess shrugged, the gold bikini slowly melting into her skin and changing into a flowing white dress. "Or maybe I'm just a drug-induced daydream with no meaning at all."

Leia's white dress flickered with colors that didn't really exist, moving and pulsing with each beat of the music that was still softly playing.

"Well, it's nice to have some estrogen in here that doesn't belong to Mallory," Lana sighed, accepting the joint that was being handed back to her from the princess. She noticed that nothing was missing from her last drag. "Or Archer, since he still seems connected to her via umbelical cord."

Leia winced at the visual, but understood it because she had access to all the information Lana had. Sharing a brain with someone, even someone who didn't technically exist, was so much more convenient. Lana rubbed her eyes, feeling sleep start to cloak over her limbs like a blanket.

"You're a woman who's got her shit together, Leia," Lana said, glancing over at her hallucination. "I feel like I'm surrounded by idiots and sociopaths that are constantly trying to kill me or each other. You managed to get Han under control, right?"

Leia shot her a dubious look. "No I didn't. You saw the new movie, right?"

"No, I'm so fucking tired of hearing about Star Wars," Lana sighed in exasperation before letting herself puzzle over the new information she had. "Wait, how did I know about Han...?"

"Forget it," Leia brushed over the plot hole with little consideration. "Just know that you can't change someone without their permission. Once an asshole, always an asshole." Her hand moved with the final sentence for emphasis. Lana nodded sleepily, slouching further into the couch. "So take the power out of their hands and give it to yourself. If someone tells you you can't do something, you prove them wrong until they believe that you can or they get tired of telling you that you can't."

"You're right, Princess Leia," Lana murmured as her eyes shifted closed. "You're always right. I love you."

The only response was simple: "I know."


End file.
